Trans Project Interview & Lifestyle Boudoir Session with Finn | Eastern Iowa LGBTQ* Photographer
Trans Project Interview & Lifestyle Boudoir Session with Finn
Cedar Rapids, Dubuque & Eastern Iowa LGBTQ* Photographer
Last month Kasie and I had the pleasure of meeting Finn for a Trans Project session. Finn had heard about me through friends, and I couldn’t wait to meet them for their session after we started talking about body paint and jumping in the air.
Last year, Kasie and I started the Trans Project as a way to give trans folk visibility and empowerment through photoshoots and interviews. Check out Finn’s interview below as well as their full gallery! We had such a blast with this session and we’ve all eagerly awaited sharing these!
What do you identify as?
Transmasculine, nonbinary, masculine of center (MOC)
When did you come out?
That's a complicated question, but the shortest answer I can give is around 2013 and then again around 2016.
If you feel comfortable, share your coming out story
My Twitter and Instagram bios will tell you that I haven't thought straight since 2011, but it wasn't until 2013 that I was first able to be fully out because that's when I went to college. I was in a relationship during high school where my girlfriend wasn't ready to be out, so I had to remain closeted for her sake. When I first went away to school though, I had the freedom from our hometown to start living a more authentic life.
That was around 2013, and I was living life as a gay woman (that's so weird to think about now). That was a really important time for me because I was finally able to do some exploration on who I was outside of the people who knew me. I could try different clothes without raising suspicion, I could have my girlfriend over for a visit and we could hold hands freely. My high school girlfriend and I did end up breaking up after my first year, but that gave me the opportunity to see what dating while out was like.
A couple more years and another break up later, I had the opportunity to revisit myself and do some introspection. It was 2016, I was about to go to grad school, I was single, and all options were open going into the future. I had taken an LGBTQ introduction course my last semester in undergrad, and it really got me thinking about my own gender experience. I knew I didn't feel trapped in the wrong body, but existing as a woman and being seen in that way didn't feel right - it never really had. I consulted with a good friend of mine at the time (who is trans) to help me start thinking about myself in a different way, and I eventually settled on being gender neutral.
Even though I was living in a nonbinary space, I still presented as pretty feminine for a year. And over that year, I did my best to embrace my femininity through my gender expression, but it just didn't feel right. In May of 2017, I cut my long hair off for the first time. It was something I had thought about for years, but I just wasn't ready yet. However, as soon as I cut my hair off, I finally recognized myself in the mirror. I was someone who has been masculine of center their entire lives but just didn't know how to access it. And ever since, I've been expressing my gender far more masculinely than I ever thought I'd be able to and it's been so great. I also started testosterone February of 2018, which has done wonders. It's been a very long process, but I wouldn't have had it any other way.
When/What if anything made you realize you were trans?
The knowledge that nonbinary identities existed, and the support from closer friends to try new things. For me it wasn't an "aha" moment, it was a gradual realization after trying different things out, doing some serious introspection, and finding the courage to actually live my life the way I wanted to without asking for permission from others.
What are some micro aggressions that make you feel unsafe?
The biggest is when there aren't gender neutral options for bathrooms in a public place. If I'm with others, I go with someone else to be sure that I have someone to defend me if someone wants to say I'm not supposed to be in there. But if I'm alone and I can't wait to use the bathroom, I usually default to the women's room. In there, the worst that could probably happen is getting some looks or being yelled at, but in the men's room I fear getting beat up so it's the lesser of two evils.
The other obvious micro aggression is people using the wrong pronouns or using feminine language to address me. I don't necessarily blame people for it, but it doesn't make the experience any less difficult or less exhausting.
What are some of the most hurtful questions to ask? How can I be a better ally/friend?
The questions I personally don't like getting are about what my deadname is. Being trans doesn't mean you owe the world your entire story, even if you embrace who you were before you knew you were trans.
I think the best way to be an ally is to do the work. Don't expect the trans people in your life to be your only source for learning. Do research on your own (if you have access to resources), figure out what your questions are, and then ask if it's okay to ask the trans people in your life about their experiences as trans. And be okay if they say no. In my experience, trans people are pretty patient for people who are doing the work to be better allies and friends, but we also do a lot of emotional labor for ourselves on a daily basis.
I've had many people tell me anecdotes about how when first meeting a person that they aren't sure what gender they are, they don't know how to address them or to talk to them. But, before all else, we are all people. We know how to talk to people without knowing anything about them. There's nothing wrong with defaulting to neutral until you know how a person likes to be addressed.
What have your experiences (if any) with male privilege been like? When you "pass" as a man to other people, do they treat you differently than before you started transitioning (i.e., before you appeared masculine)?
I don't really experience male privilege, which is both a blessing and a curse from my perspective. I've had many experiences where people will address me as sir, and then soon correct themselves to ma'am after interacting with me. My face, especially since testosterone, is pretty masculine. However, the way I speak, my body language, and the fact that I don't bind much is what typically makes people back track and address me femininely. And while neither feels fully comfortable, being addressed masculinely is less emotionally taxing than the alternative because it means that all the effort I put in to look masculine has paid off at least a little. I fully embrace that I have both masculine and feminine attributes, but being reduced to only feminine - especially when that's what I've been reduced to my entire life - is disheartening. Especially considering it happens the majority of the time.
What is the biggest misconception you want to dispel?
That having breasts means you aren't masculine. I haven't met anyone else who uses testosterone that doesn't also want top surgery, even in other nonbinary friends of mine. While I do have dysphoria from my chest, it all stems from social dysphoria. When people see that I have breasts, they make assumptions that I'm butch. Which isn't untrue, but it implies that I'm also a woman - which I am not. And I can't deny that when I put shirts on, I see what they mean. But when I'm naked, I love my breasts. I know they're supposed to be on my body. A lot of people have a hard time understanding this, and many people ask if I'm ever going to have top surgery. And while I can't say that I never will, it's definitely not something I'm planning on at this point in time. Bodies are bodies, all of them are perfect as long as the person is comfortable in their skin.
What's been the hardest part of your transition so far?
The hardest part has been, is, and I suspect always will be just existing in a middle space. Humans are hard-wired to categorize what they interact with, and so a harsh reality of being nonbinary is knowing that I will be misgendered every day for the rest of my life. But as hard as it is to go through that day in and day out, I know it would be harder for me to exist in a binary space.
What is the best experience you've had since coming out?
The best experiences I've had all come from people not knowing what gender I am, but then asking about it. I've had a nine-year-old ask me if I was a girl. I told them I wasn't, and that I wasn't a boy either, and they walked away with a confused expression that made me SO happy. I love knowing that I confuse people because I force people to rethink how they understand the world. I also had an affirming experience with TSA once, surprisingly, in which I needed a pat down and they asked me if I would prefer a male or female assist. It's small moments like this that make me feel like a real human because I'm being addressed and my agency is being taken into consideration. A lot of people think that by staring, or whispering their questions to others, it's more respectful because they don't want to offend me to my face. But honestly, it's more offensive to be tip-toed around out of politeness because it makes me feel like less of a person. I'm here, you're here. You can ask me about me, not others.
What do you personally define as transitioned?
I don't. My transition is a journey that I never want to end. I do things based on what feels good in the present. If something I'm doing doesn't feel right anymore, it's time to reassess. I never want to be done exploring how to exist in the world.
Do you have anything that you want to talk about that wasn't asked above? An issue close to your heart? Something you wish people were more informed about?
This isn't necessarily a trans thing, but don't touch people's bodies without consent. Even if it's a small touch. Some people aren't huggers. Some people aren't physically affectionate with their friends. And some people are wearing binders, and touching their chest - even in a playful way - can be very triggering. If you're ever unsure about anything in this universe: Ask, ask, ASK.
Check out the rest of Finn’s gallery below! Click and scroll to view images large and uncropped.
If you’re interested in doing a Trans Project session, or regular session, let me know! I have some Fall availability but I’m getting close to my cap on booking, for both paid and Trans Project sessions. Contact me to talk about your self-love session!